Discipleship Is Costly

As I pondered my current vexes, really trying to pinpoint why I was so irritated, I realized that I was in a lesson; perceiving that God was teaching me how to LOVE, in spite of how I feel like I deserve to be loved!

The part that sticks out to me most…

How I “feel” like “I deserve” to be loved

So I quickly realized that there were two things happening here (my reality and my perception), and God had something to say about them both.

I discovered that, what I “feel” like I deserve – doesn’t really matter!

👀  👀  👀 

Yeah, it made me say wow too lol!

Because I was looking for my flesh to be (or feel) satisfied

And the Lord said, your flesh will never be “satisfied” 

It is flesh; carnal and utterly wicked!

“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)

As I began to unfold the word Deserve, I began to see more clearly 

deserve –  

verb (used with object), de·served,de·serv·ing.

to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation: to deserve exile; to deserve charity; a theory that deserves consideration.

verb (used without object), de·served,de·serv·ing.

to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.: to reward him as he deserves; an idea deserving of study.

Having the feeling that I “deserve” a thing – I asked myself the question – according to who; according to what?

 According to my will?
 My thoughts?
 My heart? 

Then I was reminded of Jesus and how he often took loses, or what appeared to be “loses”. 

He often had to forfeit; and take a loss, when He was in the right

He often appeared like the culprit

He was often deprived of the praise of his righteous actions

He was often penalized for appearing to be great

Jesus is the Son of God, 

And if proper movement, legalities, morality, ethics and justice went out of the window for Him, then who am I to demand righteousness from another?


I’d been hearing this text in my spirit for about a week, before I heard it again today: ““For whosoever will save his life shall lose it” Matthew 16:25 (KJV)

24 “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

Matthew 16:24-25 (KJV)

There are three parts to coming after Him

 Deny myself
 Take up my cross
 Follow Him

Before moving into those parts; I need to identify what it means to come after him.

To come after him, is to follow Him; to have a desire to follow Him; to believe Him , to be curious about him, to long for him. To come – originate, derive, arise, emanate; to approach, or move toward; to arrive by movement, or in the course of progress; to approach or arrive in time. To be available, produced, offered. To occur in the mind. To enter or be brought into a specified state or condition to become.

In essence, I need to come into the being of a Disciple!

 I need to come into the being of sonship/daughtership
 I need to come into the being of true fellowship & relationship
 I need to find and understand my place of appreciation in Him
 Come to Know & Agree with my reason & desire to “follow”

I need to do more than “feel” my way through and just “feel” like I need to follow him, 

I need to have the heart, and actually DO IT! 

Actually “Become” a follower!

I’ve arrived at the occasion of Discipleship, and this is a choice

I’m making a decision to follow, because I don’t have to do this!

That’s why the header of this text is titled: Discipleship Is Costly!

Because Discipleship holds the requirement of:

 Denying Myself (seek not my will, but His)
 Taking up my cross (bear up my issues – by faith)
 Following Him (continuously come after Him, seek Him, & believe Him)

And the Spirit of the Lord said: You’re still trying to save your life!

You’re still trying to save your life…

Life as you know it!

What you think, and what you think you deserve!

Discipleship costs so much, that it costs your whole life!

So that old girl must Die!

And every time she desires to speak for me, I must bring my flesh into subjection.

I must be reminded of her death in me, and resurrect her no more!

 4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death; that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: 6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.

8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall live with him: 9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no dominion over him.” Romans 6:4-9 (KJV)

 “11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your member as instruments of righteousness unto God. 14For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:11-14 (KJV)

I can hear loud & clearly now,

The old girl can’t speak louder than the new girl!

She no longer has a voice!

She can’t give you a course that I haven’t ordained!

She has died! 

If you keep trying to save her (and do what she wants, what she desires; pulling up her perspectives & beliefs – YOU WILL LOSE!!!

And so we have a perception for life (or life as we know it); and it’s false!

A false perception of the reality set before us

“For presently we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12 (KJV)

Lord, I want to win!


Father I thank you for this revealing and awakening to True Discipleship! I feel so behind in my discipleship; all this time it seems I’ve been blindly following up behind you. Before I was just in you (or so I thought I was), but I now hear you saying, I can’t be in you without understanding you; without taking on your nature and coming into the understanding of who you’ve called me to be in you! 

In the midst of it all, I thank you Lord for giving me a chance to walk and follow you with purpose, and to follow you with purpose. You’re calling every part of me that doesn’t look or sound like you into question. Thank you for cleaning me up Jesus! Thank you for renewing of my mind! Thank you for giving me another chance to get it right! Thank you for allowing me to build anew in you and teaching me how to carry the weight of Truth in You! Give me the strength and the wisdom to carry well today and for the rest of my days. I pray now for every believer, that as you call their discipleship into question, that you give them the strength to live for you. Don’t let us follow well in our own way, according to our own personal rules and standards. Bring us into alignment with your will and your way Lord!Father help us to see you, so that we can receive you rightly! Give us ears to hear what you are saying to the church and help us to be obedient to the call and assignments you have set before us. Get the glory out of every part of Your Body – in Jesus Name I Pray. Amen

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